I have invited him several times. To events ranging from Thanksgiving dinner to New Years Eve bowling to a random soccer game. Always he starts out excited, "Yeah that will be fun! " But when the time comes to join me on the adventure of family fun....he bails. I am well aware that my family is odd. We spend far more time together than anyone else I know. My sisters are each others best friends. They used to literally live down the street from my mom. My brother and I have strayed a little farther from home by venturing into Minneapolis proper from the burbs. Most American families see each other oh a couple of times a year for fun family events. We see each other weekly or at least bi weekly. The man in my life knows this about me. He knows its important to me. We have discussed it. I have told him I want him to meet my family. I have told him I want him to meet my friends. He knows this is an essential value to me....so why the refusal to join me? Why the excuses? If you can make time to get laid and watch a movie with your girlfriend, you can make time to eat some sloppy joes and drop of a birthday wish to a one year old boy. He said he'd make it up to me. My response, I'm not holding my breath. The point is, there is no way to make this up to me. A first birthday happens once. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Hockey games, Soccer games, dinners, movies, all of them have been options already. All have been options denied. Why?
Life and thoughts of a single mom with a desire to write and share ideas with people who might want to know..figuring out how to be a loving, consistent mom while also pursuing my teaching career and fostering other dreams of writing and whatnot.
My unexpected life
- Kikers
- Blaine, MN, United States
- City girl at heart who returned to the Twin Cities after a four year stint in the Stinky Onion known to the rest of the world as Chicago. Consistent nomad, frequently moving, changing, evolving. Striving to settle down and plant some roots. Recently became a single mother to Caleb Justus and am figuring out the adventure that is motherhood. Getting used to living in the burbs again close to family and friends.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Why avoid the fam?
I have been dating Anthony off and on since August of 2008. We began talking as friends in May or June or 2008. Its now April of 2009. We know each other well. We have gone back and forth on the dating spectrum, the ups and downs, the hanging out, the are we 'together' or are we friends' crap...all of it. My family is important to me. Okay, okay, my family is VERY important to me. If you know me, you have met my family and hear stories of them all the friggen time. Nieces, nephews, sisters, in-laws, brother, MammaRita and DadBill. All of my life friends have been included on my family adventures. Dinners, movies, mini golfing, family reunions, birthday parties (both for kids and for adults). Love me, love my family is a sort of motto I have because I actually enjoy my family. We laugh together. We play together. We fight and bicker and talk shit about each other but when it all comes down to it, we are there for each other. Especially the kiddos. I honestly do not know how to even begin to express how much I love Kjarra, Julia, Malcolm, William, Phoenix, Zee and new Kieran. Sporting events of theirs, orchestra concerts, just hanging out with me for the weekend, I would do anything for them and a happy saturday afternoon for me is spending time with my family celebrating little KFanz's first birthday. So, why is it that the person I am "building something with has no desire or interest to meet my family?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Woman! This is a big red flag. Especially since family is so important to you. If he really was into you nothing would stop him from meeting your family. That's the reality of it. I know it's harsh. But sometimes we need people to come right out and say things we don't really want to hear. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteYeah i hear whatcha sayin there Sam...but...at the same time...and I am totally NOT rationalizing here...he and I have talked about it, I have told him how I feel about the family thing, he understands and his response is..."i'm just not ready and I'm nervous about it." See, his life (and our relationship) have had a lot of downs lately. He moved here to Minneapolis because of a great job he got-then got laid off just about three weeks ago...hes been working a temp job but that ends this week...and he started his MBA and is having a hard time with that...so all in all...he just doesn't feel like he has a lot to offer right now in terms of the whole "i'm the man to provide for the woman thing"-which is not what I am looking for but at this point, he doesn't even totally feel like he can be an equal partner economically because of his job situation. He is working hard on his MBA, applying for jobs like mad, has plans in the works and has basically asked me to....wait. He said when he is ready, when he feels like he is in a better place, he is more than happy to meet my family. I think...and I guess maybe this is what is scaring the hell out of me...he is serious about me and wants to be ready to move forward to something serious when the time comes to meet my family. Almost like...he wants to make the best possible impression and show his best...like "hey Mr Dad of my Girl I can take of her, no worries." I think that is a nobel, sweet thing...which is very hard for me to accept. So...I am not quite ready to give up on him yet. I think....I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt on this one and trust that his intentions are pure and honest and that when he is ready, things will move forward. In the meantime, I guess I just wait............
ReplyDelete