Jem the wondercat takes the short bus 11.12.08

Jem the wonder cat takes the short bus
Current mood: amused
Category: Pets and Animals

I know, can cats really be stupid? Well I think so. Here's why-oh and don't get me wrong, I love my Jem kitty dearly, he provides unconditional love and hours upon hours of entertainment. Over the last couple of weeks here are some things the ever intelligent feline has done that made me laugh out loud and talk excessively about my feline friends.

I have a framed print of Cafe Terrace At Night by Van Gogh hanging on my wall. The print is covered by a thin layer of plastic so it has some slight reflections in it if the lighting is just right. My TV sits under the print on a stand. My cat has started jumping on top of the TV and sitting facing the print staring into it for hours on end. He notices the kitty in the cafe (which there isn't, its his own reflection) and desperately wants to befriend that kitty. He wants to cross over into the world of Van Gogh and the kitty on the terrace under the moonlight, but alas, he cannot cross over into that world. He stares longingly at the cat and the picture, his tail flopping back and forth across my TV screen as he stalks his own reflection.

Then yesterday I decided to get a covered litter box for my lovely felines and Jem...well, got into the litter box but could not figure out how to move the flap to let himself out of the box...so he cried until I saved him...and quickly removed the flapping door so that he could use the bathroom in peace and not get stuck.

Love is...

Definitions of love have been streaming through my mind lately. For just over four years there is a man who jumps in and out of my life. Recently he returned to pursue a serious relationship with me. He tells me he loves me but he wants to be in love with me. He also says he wants to be with me and asks me hypothetical questions like..."if I had to move to Baltimore then to London, would you go with me?" These questions and declarations of love lead me to believe that he and I are in a relationship.

While pondering all these questions and feelings and interactions, I asked him a question. Honestly the question came to me because of facebook. I had updated my relationship status on facebook to say "in a relationship" and thought I should make sure that he and I were on the same page since that status was out there in cyberspace. I asked him how he would define our relationship. His deeply thoughtful answer was...."I dunno." I probed to get an answer. This simple discussion turned into a long, drawn out conversation that he labeled a fight. His initial response what that we are not in a relationship...which led me to ask additional questions and respond with a bit of anger and hurt. In my mind, if you are telling someone you love them and are asking them (hypothetically or not) to move to another country means you are in a relationship.

After days of circular discussions online-I tried to call him to talk things out several times but he didn't answer his phone and didn't call back.  Lesson learned, discussions about weather one is indeed in a relationship with another person or not are best had in person.  In the end, I realized we simply had very different definitions of the word relationship but regardless of semantics, we were actually on the same page in terms of where we were.

Since this conversation on Thursday-its now Sunday-he has refused to converse with me.  This behavior is not the behavior of someone who does actually love another person.  Hence, my ponderings on what love is.  During my ponderings the verses from 1 Corinthians 13 came to me...
   Love never gives up.
   Love cares more for others than for self.
   Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
   Love doesn't strut,
   Doesn't have a swelled head,
   Doesn't force itself on others,
   Isn't always "me first,"
   Doesn't fly off the handle,
   Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
   Doesn't revel when others grovel,
   Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
   Puts up with anything,
   Trusts God always,
   Always looks for the best,
   Never looks back,
   But keeps going to the end. (The Message)

And I realized that whatever this man feels for me, it is not love.  It may be interest.  It may be passion.  It may be infatuation.  It may be a challenge.  It may be entertainment.  But it is not love.  When you love someone, you listen and give that person the benefit of the doubt rather than hearing combative arguments when none is intended.  You work to come to a place of understanding and you are willing to compromise in order to meet their needs.  In the entire time that I have known this man, he has never compromised.  Never apologized.  He always has a reason to walk away and be angry and blame me for any disagreements that occur between us.  This is not love.

People throw around the word love in relationships (or non relationships) without actually considering the true meaning of the word.  This man is one of those people.  Of course, I will not even bother to attempt to have this discussion with him because it would only end in a nasty fight where I would be wrong and he would be right and no true understanding would occur.

After all this, my current relationship status on facebook has again changed.  I am now in a domestic partnership with Jem, Scout and Sawyer-my three cats.  And it will stay that way until a man who truly understands what love is comes into my life.