My unexpected life

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Blaine, MN, United States
City girl at heart who returned to the Twin Cities after a four year stint in the Stinky Onion known to the rest of the world as Chicago. Consistent nomad, frequently moving, changing, evolving. Striving to settle down and plant some roots. Recently became a single mother to Caleb Justus and am figuring out the adventure that is motherhood. Getting used to living in the burbs again close to family and friends.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

jobless at 33

My life is not at all what I expected it to be at 33 years old. I'm unemployed, living in an apartment, single, no kids, drowning in student loan debt and not at all financially stable. What bugs me the most is that I feel like I did most things the right way. I worked hard and graduated from college then went on to get my Master's degree in teaching-I always wanted to teach. I have had various jobs from customer service to office administration to teaching. As a teacher, I have been very successful. Students that were in my class still contact me letting me know I had an impact on them. Test scores in my classes went up 40% in the year I taught them. Yet, can't keep a teaching job to save my life and now, I can't get a teaching job to save my life.

Since I lost my job in April, I have applied for hundreds of jobs. Some are teaching jobs, some are office administrative jobs, some are customer service, some are teacher's aid jobs, some are retail jobs. Anything that looks like I am remotely qualified for, I apply for. I've had a few interviews, all of which I thought went well, but here I am still looking.

Being out of work is a depressing place to be. I feel like a failure. I feel like my education was a waste of time. I feel like a loser. The first month of unemployment sucked because I was getting over the whole getting fired thing. The second month I was energized and ready to face the world and get my dream job. Now, in month three after hundreds of job applications and rejections, I'm deflated, exhausted, and feeling very hopeless.

I worked hard to become a teacher and I am good at it and passionate for education, yet a job teaching is always just out of my reach. Is it time to find something else or do I keep holding out, keep trying?