Single Pregnancy

Its been a week since I found out that I am pregnant and I still feel like I am in the twilight zone. My emotions and thoughts change from second to second and every now and I again I truly believe I am having a dream and will wake up to go back to my normal, single woman, life. The crazy thing is, I don't feel like there is a little life growing inside of me. I don't have a baby bulge, I don't have morning sickness, I don't have a precious little ultra sound picture to show people but my apartment is changing. I have started a 'baby crap' box. The box is slowly filling with baby stuff. Last Monday my sister Aj invited me and my other sister Rachel out to lunch to celebrate the coming of "Baby O". The growing patch of cells inside me as become known as Baby O because it is the eighth grandchild in the family so Aj has dubbed it Baby O....short for octagon, Octavius, Octopus, all things associated with eight. She arrived with a target bag and a sweet yellow bear head attached to a soft pale green blanket with the satin trim all babies love. We began tossing around names and nursery themes. The conversation was fun, but felt very out of body. This week has been a time of adjustment that I realize has only just begun. Everyone has tons of advice for me, which is appreciated but exhausting. Things like, you can't change the kitty litter box. Well, I live alone. I'm doing this pregnancy on my own, so...who else will change the kitty litter box? So, we had to look up the issue and there is no issue. Pregnant women can indeed clean the kitty litter box as long there is no eating of the feces. Whew! Safe on that one. Then there is the don't carry heavy things admonition. Seeing that I live alone and the baby daddy is in Chicago, I either carry heavy things or make a million and one trips to the car to carry in groceries and other random crap that life brings. Who else will carry these things? Im realizing that while everyone is kindly offering advice and help, but in the end, this is my journey and responsibility and I will be required to make the tough choices on my own. Of course people will help and be there for me, and who knows what role the baby daddy will assume-but in the end, my body is changing and I will be the mother of a child in nine short months. A daunting and exciting task that I am trying to get ready for. Hopefully I will be out of the twilight zone soon and reality will set in.

The Adventure Begins

I've been patiently waiting for my monthly cycle to start for a week or so and since I have been taking birth control pills for the last few years, I didn't think much of it but as the days kept passing and no cycle started....I decided to pick up a pregnancy test just to see. I've been late before, even on the pill, and the last few weeks have been highly stressful (moving, looking for a job, etc) so i figured that would cause the lateness. So, I went to my sisters house because one can not pee on a stick alone, and peed on the stick. Waited the obligatory three to five minutes and examined the oval on the stick. One pink line showed up very clearly and a second line faintly appeared... My sister and I looked at each other and wondered what it meant. It couldn't be positive, its only a very faint second line and I am on the pill! Since its Sunday, we jumped online to see where I could go to get a doctor's confirmation. Target Clinic here we come! Of course, we had to wait about an hour because the clinic is closed on Sundays from 1pm to 2pm so the doctor can have lunch. At 2:01pm, we got in the car and jetted to the Blaine Super Target Clinic. For $49.00 you can get pregnancy confirmation on Target Clinic letterhead, which is exactly what I got and a tentative due date of April 20th, 2010.

When the doctor gave us the news, Rachel began laughing hysterically and I was stunned. The doctor was very understanding and gave me all the basic info: no alcohol, no caffeine, get some prenatal vitamins and go see a regular doctor. Oh and she gave me an official letter to give to the folks at the county so I can apply for Medical Assistance and WIC since, yes I am still unemployed.

After we left the doctor's office, we wandered through target gathering the prenatal vitamins ensuring they have plenty o folic acid and what not and I asked Rachel, "Am I dreaming? Are we in the twilight zone?" I felt dazed, like I was watching the world through a dreamy haze of unreality. She pinched me and assured me, no, you are not dreaming. The next step was informing my parents that their youngest, unmarried, single, unemployed, daughter was pregnant by her ex boyfriend who lives in Chicago. We decided it'd be fun to ease the blow by giving them some cute baby gift. We settled on two bibs: on embroidered in pretty pastel pink with "I Love My Grandma" and the second embroidered in baby blue with "I Love My Grandpa."

Then we drove to the home I grew up in to share the news with the people who created me, within the confines of marriage and employment, of course. I don't remember my mother's first words but it involved swearing and not much joy...but shortly thereafter she exclaimed, "oh we need to start saving up for a crib! Let me know when you find one you like!" With the conception of their first grandchild 14 years ago, my parents started the tradition of purchasing the crib for the first child of each of their children. An avid smoker, she also moved her chair about ten feet away from me to protect me and the fetus from the smoke. Dad....well....didn't say much except, "well, I guess Andy got more than he bargained for with his $30 bus trip." He will need to process the information slowly and I am sure both parents are happy at the thought of grandchild number eight but concerned about their daughter being single and unemployed while carrying that blessing into the world.

Many phone calls have been made throughout this evening. Much love and support is felt. This is the start of a very long and challenging journey and honestly, right now, I feel very numb. I still feel like I am on the outside of my world looking in, seeing the action and hearing the conversations taking place but not actually experiencing them. This pregnancy was not planned by a long shot but was prophesied by my sister Rachel. About three weeks ago, when Andy came to visit, Rachel informed us that she had a dream that I got pregnant by him while he was visiting to help me move and paint my new place. Hmmm....prophetic much?

When I was in college I took a class called "The Biology of Women." Throughout the semester we discussed the biology and chemistry involved in developing a new life. There are hundreds of factors that have to be exactly right for an egg and sperm to unite and form a zygote then hundreds more factors that must be perfect for that zygote to implant itself on the right place in the uterus and another hundred factors for the uterus to accept that zygote and feed it as it grows and develops into an embryo. Regardless of your spiritual beliefs, the chemistry and biology involved in conception and development of life is simply an unexplainable miracle. Sometimes the factors work together to create a new life, and other times they don't. For me, and this little life inside me, as of right now, its working and I am celebrating that fact and grateful that God gives me 40 weeks to prepare for this little pea to develop into an infant ready to join the world. Its an overwhelming sense of responsibility and awe that I am in this situation, preparing to be a mother, at this point in my life. Its not perfect, but it is what it is, my reality. Hopefully soon that reality will sink in!

Allergy Sufferes Unite!

I have been taking some form of Sudafed for my severe allergies since I was five years old. My initial dose was 1/2 a pill four times a day, so once I started school I would take a trip to the nurses office to down the half pill of heaven that would allow me to live through another day without constant sneezing. Since the Sudafed Law was passed back in 2005, life has gotten somewhat complicated for those of us who depend on the wonder drug of sudafed, not to make Meth, but to simply get through our daily lives without constant sneezing, eye watering, itchy throat and other allergy associated nastyness. At first it was just annoying to have to show my id to get my medication-which used to be available over the counter. Its not crack, its allergy medication. Then I moved to Minnesota from Chicago, and cashiers at pharmacy counters did not seem to know what to do with an out of state drivers license in such a situation so it would take at least ten minutes to get those lovely little pills that make my life easier. Now I've encountered the additional stress of having friends who also have allergies, and being that I have cats, these friends often need some sudafed when they come to my humble, cat hair filled abode. I have no problem sharing the little pills that eliminate the symptoms of allergies with folks who need them, I consider it my responsiblity as a hostess with feline friends. The complication I have run into now is that when I go to purchase my ten day supply of sudafed, I have been told "oh, you've reached your limit for the month, we can't sell them to you." Its not like I am supplying the neighborhood with sudafed. I might share one pill out of a box, certainly not enough to go over a limit of some sort. Obviously I am a resourceful woman who will solve the problem of getting my much needed sudafed by simply asking a friend or family member to get the needed pills for me until my limit is reset. The law was passed because of Meth production. The drug that makes sudafed work is the key ingredient for Meth. So, the powers that be decided to stop the production of Meth they'd make it harder to get sudafed. Show and id, track buyers, limit quantities, etc. Here's the problem: the people who manufacture meth are smart enough to hire people to get the needed ingredient for their money making product. I tried to find results on how effective the whole sudafed law has been in reducing the production and sales of meth, and guess what? Oh yeah, you got it: the production and sales and use of meth are INCREASING. Going up. The law doesn't work. So, why not repeal the damn thing so that people can get allergy relief or cold relief. Reality is the over the counter stuff doesn't work as well. It does nothing. I just have to buy for myself and can get around the irritation of having to ask someone once in a while to become my supplier but what if I had kids who needed sudafed as well? The monthly limit that a single person is allowed to purchase is nine grams. An effective daily dose is 240 grams (either as one 24 hour tablet, 2 12 hour tablets, or 4 six hour tablets). If you need a dose a day, in 31 days you need 7.4 grams to get through the month. The limit of 9 grams allows for 37 doses. If you have two allergy sufferers that you have to buy for, there is no way to make it work, unless you strategically enlist the help of others. Six pills is not much wiggle room. Lost pills, friends who need one, long vacations-things happen. Why must we beg, borrow, or conjole to simple stop sneezing? If the law isn't working anyway, repeal it and let allergy sufferers get their sudafed relief in peace. Its a ridiculous law that irritates more hardworking allergy sufferers than it actually slows the production of meth. Yes meth is a bad thing, but sudafed is not responsible for meth heads.