Getting healthy, lets get real...

For as long as I can remember, I have been overweight (or at least thought I was).  I've always seen and defined myself as fat and ugly and non athletic.  Why?  Well, there are a lot of reasons.  First, as a kid I had severe asthma.  Like, the boy in the bubble level of allergies and asthma issues.  I was allergic to everything: chicken, tomatoes, grapes, peanuts, beets (which was the main source of sugar back in the day), any sort of plant life or grass, any animal with fur, dust, dust mites, mold...the list could probably go on and on.  Back in the days of my youth, the glorious 1980s, there were not inhalers or medications for asthma that we have today.  I was on medications.  Steroids and other crap that no one uses any more because they are so bad for you and have so many negative effects.  Of course, back then the goal was to keep me alive and breathing with the options that were available, so my parents and doctors did what they had to do.  Well, due to all the allergies and breathing issues, I was scared to death to do any level of exercise.  From the time I was little I was very familiar with the feeling of my chest constricting so I could no longer take a breath.  I knew the feeling of having an elephant on my chest keeping me from getting any air.  I knew the feeling and sound of wheezing in my lungs and chest very, very well.  This reality became a core part of my identity.  Completely unintentionally.  It was a survival thing.  We were all scared that I would one day die of an asthma attack that I was kept very protected from allergens and exercise.  Of course, everyone now knows that moderate exercise is good for people with asthma and we have the medications to keep airways open and to reopen closed airways.  So, as an adult I am trying to change that mindset.  To change how I see myself.  To rewrite the definition of myself.  But its really, really hard.

This week I realized that I will be turning 40 in 15 months.  15 months from today to be exact.  I decided that my 40th birthday will be the ending point of a long term goal.  Weight loss folks and people who know how the body works say that losing an average of two pounds per week is a good goal.  So, that's my goal.  For the next 15 months, which is 64 weeks (I counted :).  If I lose 2 pounds per week, that is 128 pounds.  128 pounds as a goal on its own sounds incredibly overwhelming.  And I have set goals like this before, but in the past, I haven't ever tied the end point to any sort of significant date in my life.  And I also never broke it down into smaller bits.  Yes, 128 pounds is a HUGE goal.  But, two pounds per week....8 pounds per month...is totally do able.  So, that's my goal.

Assuming I live to be 80 years old, April 17th, 2016 is literally the first day of the second half of my life.  I want the second half of my life to be different than the first half.  I want to redefine myself and become more authentically true to who I choose to be.  A huge part of that is my weight and my self image and health all tied together.  I want to be an active person.  I want to go on long hikes and bike rides with my son.  I want to take him skiing and snowshoeing.  I want to have energy and confidence.  I want to experience life in all its fullness and action.

I invite you to join me on this journey.  Challenge, encouragement, questions, accountability are all appreciated.  Like I said, the weight/health thing has always been a challenge for me.  So I know exactly what I need to do.  I've done weight watchers.  I've read the spiritual weight loss books: Made to Crave, Weigh Down Workshop, etc.  I had a personal trainer in the past.  I know I need to be active.  What I need is the will.  The action.  I have cookbooks.  I know how to make healthy meals.  I know what foods are healthy and what are not.  I am at the point in my journey where I know exactly what I need to do...its not about knowledge.  Its about action.  And, I am ready to take that action.  Of course, I will struggle.  I will make mistakes.  But on a deeper level than ever before, I want to be healthy and, more than wanting it, I believe I can do it.  I'm not sure what changed...maybe its being the mother of a very active four year old.  Maybe its just the simple process of aging...realizing that I have a whole lot of life left to live...maybe its accepting the truth of where I am and how I got here...its probably all those things mixed together.  So, here goes...rebirth at 40.  April 17th, 2016...I'll be ready for you.