Pride vs Personal Responsiblity

I was raised in a family built on the protestant work ethic in the personal responsibility focused, independence loving, United States of America with the age old republican values of personal responsibility-you take care of yourself and your family. My father worked long hours to do just that-take care of his family. I do not know of any time he asked for help from his parents or any other people-financially or otherwise. He may have, but if he did, I am sure he paid back every dime ever borrowed with interest. That is just the kind of man he is. He will do whatever it takes to provide, on his own, to the best of his ability, for his family and church. My father has religiously tithed more than 10% and also invested in other people and causes that he finds important-helping out his children, and various other worthy causes. This sense of personal responsibility is a value that can lead to a deep sense of pride, and you know what they say, "pride goes before a fall." So here is my question, what is the difference between pride and personal responsibility and how do we balance the two in light of a spiritual calling to 'love one another as Christ loved the Church"? And, how to we provide support to our family and neighbors in need without creating and rewarding irresponsibility and dependency?

I have requested and received far more than my fair share of financial support from my parents over the years-some of the need is due to situations beyond my control but some of the need is also due to consistent bad choices regarding money and simply not thinking ahead. My intentions are good. When I ask for assistance from my parents, I fully intend to pay them back. Unfortunately, that has yet to begin to happen and it makes me very, very sad and makes me feel like a failure or a disappointment to my father. Are these feelings based on pride-me thinking I should be further along in life at this point? Me being humiliated that I can't find a job and have struggled to fit into the education world? Or are they my sense of personal responsibility pushing me to step up and be responsible and take care of myself as I should?

Personal responsibility involves taking care of yourself-paying your bills, buying your food, contributing to society by working, and making sacrifices to choose to live within the means you earn. But what happens when circumstances after circumstances keep pushing you further and further behind until you are drowning and desperate? That is when pride can lead to destruction and chaos that may never be overcome. Pride is refusing to ask for help or support from people who love you and want whats best for you because you are convinced you have to do it on your own.

Receiving support from friends and family should encourage and inspire a person in need to keep pushing forward and to pay it forward-meaning when you get on your feet, you treat others the way you have been treated. This support should also lead to a sense of humility and transformation as well as a desire to show appreciation and respect for what you have and those who have helped you to become who you are-and who God is leading you to become.

This is a precarious balance I strive to maintain but often feel myself falling short and I am not sure why. Since I was fired from my job in April, I have applied for thousands of jobs. My routine is to check the Minneapolis Public Schools job board, the District 11 job board, The Minnesota Council of Non-Profits job board, Monster.com, careerbuilder.com, craigslist then The Minneapolis Star Tribune. When I go to these sites, I apply for any job that I think I might remotely qualify for. I have various versions of my resume and cover letter designed to target different types of jobs. And....nothing. I get great rejection calls and letters saying how I was so close to what they wanted but there were just one or two more qualified candidates. My desire is to teach so I did the research and applied to a program at Hamline University to take the courses needed to meet the requirements that I need to teach 5th-12th grade Language Arts in Minnesota. I posted ads to sell things I own that I don't really need. I took a load of books and dvds to Half Price Books to attempt to get some funding. I humbled myself to the point that I listed my prized possession-my carefully collected classroom library-on craigslist to sell. I am doing everything I can to get on my feet and take care of myself. I don't know what else I can do. I am entering my 2nd trimester of pregnancy and have not purchased any maternity clothes yet. I haven't gotten the heater fan fixed in my car yet or the caliper replaced yet....and its snowing here in MN already.

What does a person who longs to be personally responsible and able to provide for others and bless those in her life whom she cares deeply for, do when she simply can't get ahead?