Grilled cheese AND Chicken nuggets...the battle of wills.

Few parents will tell you the gory details of parenthood.  Most like to gloss over the struggles so as not to scare those without children or to avoid judgement by super parents out there with always clean, always submissive, always angelic little lovelies.  My four year old son and I have had some epic battles over the last four years. Tonight it was the great Grilled Cheese/Chicken Nugget battle of 2014.  Caleb asked for dinner, I said, okay what do you want?  This is our usual dinner time set up-I know, I know, I should plan meals, we should sit at a table and eat together at the same time every night, I had that growing up and it was wonderful.  I'm a single mom.  Its me and him.  When I make a nice dinner generally he will only pick at it and eat half and I eat my portion and we have tons of leftovers that never really get eaten...so I have given up the "lets sit together and have dinner and eat the same thing battle" for now.  We do sit down together, but we don't always eat the same thing. 

Okay, back to the point-the battle.  So, Caleb said, "I want grilled cheese AND chicken nuggets for dinner!"  He was in a good mood but did miss a nap today so I should have been on the offensive and been prepared.  I should have just offered him one thing rather than leaving it open for him to choose...alas hindsight is 20/20 and being proactive as a parent is always good.  I dropped the ball on this one.  I responded, choose one.  You can't have both.  Holy hell you would think I was asking him to make Sophie's Choice.  He began yelling, screaming, begging, pleading "I WANT BOTH!"  I put him in his room and shut the door telling him when he's ready to choose and calm down, to let me know.  That was going on 30 minutes ago.  I check on him every ten or so minutes.  The cry is still the same, "I WANT BOTH!"

This is where the real nuts and bolts, hardcore parenting comes in.  The stuff that they don't tell you about.  Does it really matter what he has for dinner?  Could I make him grilled cheese and chicken nuggets without destroying the world?  Of course.  However, the battle is not about what to eat.  The battles are never about what they seem.  The fact of the matter is, I said "no, choose one."  So, I have to stick to that.  If I want any level of respect from my son, I have to stick to what I say.  Is it stupid?  Yes.  Does it drive me insane that I am listening to him scream and cry and yell for now going on 45 minutes about something that I can easily fix?  Sure does.  But, as a parent, you always have to keep the bigger picture in mind.  Caleb need to know that what I say means something.  He needs to know that he can't always get what he wants.  He needs to know how to submit.  Which is completely against his nature because it is also against mine.  I know this about him and I know the struggles he will have in life if he doesn't learn how to accept things and make tough choices.

This is certainly not the first, nor will it be the last battle.  To parent, you need to be okay with hearing a kid scream and making him unhappy.  You have to let them struggle.  You have to let them be angry at you.  You can not take battles personally or be afraid to stand your ground.  Its exhausting....but worth it.