Introverted Single Mother

I always thought  was an extrovert.  The first inklings I had to my true introverted nature came during my Grad School/Teaching residency experience in 2005-2006.  During that time, I was with people 12 or more hours a day.  I worked in a classroom with students for a full school day then attended classes with my cohort in the evenings.  During this incredibly insane time I became a bit of a hermit.  At the time, I just figured it was stress and the work load of being a full time Masters degree student and a full time teacher.  Then came my first year of teaching.  Again, I was solely responsible for the learning of 35-42 high energy eighth grade students on the 2nd floor of the school where there was only one other teacher housed.  Well, that's not completely true.  On the far other end of the second floor were the art and drama teachers but on our end, it was me and the 7th grade teacher and about 75 urban middle school kids.  That year I lived about two miles from the school I worked at and I remember never turning the radio on in my car for the brief ride home-usually after working for at least 10 hours.  And I remember coming home and just sitting on my couch to decompress for awhile not even wanting my adorable cats to come near me for at least an hour.  I didn't turn the tv on.  I didn't turn music on.  I pushed my cats away.  I needed to be alone.  Completely and utterly alone to refuel for at least an hour or so.  Again, that year was a pretty dry year in terms of my social life.  The following year was similar due to the school I was working at.  Then I moved back to Minneapolis from Chicago and became somewhat more social.  I have never been a social butterfly.   I prefer small groups of friends with intimate connections to large parties, etc.  I hate striking up conversations with people and small talk terrifies me.  Still, during these times I thought of myself as an extrovert.  Why?  I have no idea.  Probably because I enjoy being around people...but I don't particularly enjoy actually interacting with people.  Its a fine line to walk.  I love working at a coffee shop. I love the bustle of people and the music playing but I don't want to actually interact with the bustle or the people.  I'm there for the ambiance and the illusion of social networking.  The truth of my introvertedness hit me like a ton of bricks when I became a single mother working full time. 

A definition I found for introvert is:  "Introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings. They often avoid social situations because being around people drains their energy. This is true even if they have good social skills. After being with people for any length of time, such as at a party, they need time alone to "recharge.""

As a truly single parent (meaning I am solely responsible for the care of my child 24/7/365 because his father chooses not to be an active parent and lives 450 miles away.  Yes he pays child support but the actual care giving is all me, all the time), I have been in a state of constant exhaustion.  Not simply from the demands of parenthood and working and the balancing act that is life but because I don't have the much needed alone time to recharge my introverted nature.  I chose a profession where I am with people and giving myself to students during the entire workday.  I don't even have an office to myself-its shared with the entire English department.  I don't even have a classroom to myself-I move to different rooms each hour.  During the school day from 7:10am until 2:50pm I am surrounded by people.  Non stop.  Then, I have a quick (again silent) 10 minute drive to pick up my precious boy who I am then with until bedtime.  And, he is a kid who doesn't need a lot of sleep, so his bedtime is usually pretty much the same as mine.  This begs the question, when does this introvert recharge?   I think that is what I need to figure out...I need to schedule a little bit of decompression time into my daily and weekly routine.  I need to be creative to figure it out and force myself to take the time for my own sanity and to be the best mother I can be.  This realization came to me over the last few weeks as I was trying to figure out why I always feel so completely exhausted and overwhelmed. Its because I am not taking care of my introverted single mother self and am allowing myself to become drained to the point of no return...to the point where I am no good to anyone and my energy is completely gone.

So, time to get creative and figure out how to incorporate that recharging time...